I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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