YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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