Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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