it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
