By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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