Kiss
Puke
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
