whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
