I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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