I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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