She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
