did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
