he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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