Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
