Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
All the doctor said was why
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
