Jerry, you need to find god
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
