My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
