I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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