I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
