My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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