I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
