i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
