I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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