So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
