his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Im part way to drunk.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
