i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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