we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize