To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
