You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
