I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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