i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
