He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
