If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
