stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
