I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
