I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize