I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
