I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think my moral compass just broke
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
