you traded sex for a burrito?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
