I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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