I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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