I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
