whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
