he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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