just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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