my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
there was a trapeze. enough said
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
