is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
