I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Congratulations! We have a period
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