At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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