I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize