I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
