phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
