I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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