mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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