i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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