I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
