I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She is in my trunk
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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