i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize