I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
