Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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