Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
