you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
