I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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