if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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