Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The Olympian is in my bed
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
