Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize