Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
