so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
