He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize