Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
